The Bachelor Recap – Episode 8: Chariot or chug, baton or bust, talk or tears, wedding or RUN.

“You are the company you keep.”

Right?

I mostly agree with this statement. I think in general, the people you surround yourself with can say a lot about you. For example, me and my best girls, we’re all “nuts”. Ha. Seriously though.

But, does the statement still apply when it comes to family? Is it possible to be a completely sane, normal functioning human but have a family that belongs on a TLC after school special “The Terror Within”? Or what if you’re parents seem lovely but you’re completely cray … Teenage angst? Black sheep? Forgotten child?

In any case, the Bach leading ladies were on a quest to prove that they really are “the one” for Benny Boy with aid from a few family members. What we found was one cool family, one adorable Dad, one still crazy girl and a one sure fire send home.

Lindzi’s date started with … wayyyyyy too much makeup.

Tone it down, Lindzi!

Seriously, the girl has got to tone it down. She is so pretty! About 10 layers of makeup and 40 minutes less a week in the tanning bed and she’d be golden (no pub intended).

Lindzi also rehashed her “Welcome to dumpsville, population you” story. Now, let’s discuss this. I seriously thought that was just her shtick to get on the show. I mean, come on… WHAT adult would EVER say something like that? It’s impossible. So when she opened up about the fact that she thought she was going to marry Mr. Dumpsville I was floored. Completely shocked. HOW could a normal, sane, pretty young woman be with someone capable of such idiocy and more importantly, WHY would you ever admit it?

She also admitted that Dumpsville was her only ever boyfriend, which means she’ll probably blow it on the fantasy date. “That or Ben’s going to faint when her entire face rubs off on her pillow.” – Jess, on the sole inhabitant of dumpsville.

If the girls are to be judged by their parents, then Lindzi redeemed herself big time. Her folks seem fun loving, wild and RICH. Just an everyday chariot race to start the evening off. Followed by Smores and lots of drinks meant that this date was more fun then most of Ben’s. Where can Mr. Harry Cox (YES, that is her father’s name) sign up to be the next Bachelor? WHERE.

If  you watched the show last night, you’ll know that Kacie B was just DOOMED from the get go. Her marching band, baton-twirling entrance made us all cover our eyes in terror.

@inanutshellca "I can't speak. I feel like this is a scene from drop dead gorgeous." - @JessHuddles #thebachelor

She then proceeded to yap like a small dog when she flung herself into Ben’s arms, despite how it rained on her parade. Literally. It was raining and she legit brought a parade. Imbecile.

The beginning portion of the date did however allow us to contemplate what kind of atrocious mane of a head would be created if Ben and Kacie were to breed. Shudder. We think this likeness of Ben pretty much sums it up:

If the hair, marching band and overall lackluster performance of the opening part of Kacie B’s date didn’t solidify her limo ride home, her parents definitely put the seal on that envelope. Holy mother of Mary.

This. is. a. disaster.

Were they ever on Team “Loathe Ben” … from her Mom telling him they didn’t want them to live together after engagement … to her Dad just flat out disagreeing with the whole scenario, this date was more awkward, less …anything positive. Ben handled it well tho: “I have feelings for your daughter andalsosomeoftheotherwomen.” Just DYING to get outta there.

As always, our male correspondent @Bakkesy summed it up best:

@Bakkesy: Just apple juices and long, weird talks at the Kacie B household. #getmeoutofhere @BenFlajnik

Overall the B family was just brutal.

@inanutshellca “Wow. I completely foresee Kacie B blowing up her family home after this.” – @JessHuddles #thebachelor

Of course the real main event was finding out what kind of creatures Courtney spawned from. No wonder they kept this hometown date for last, we were getting antsy about it four minutes into the show.

@inanutshellca Waiting with bated breath to see the cyborgs that are Courtney’s parents. #thebachelor

But one more date stood in our way, Nicki’s. Can’t say we were made about it at all. Nicki’s date was fun and cute and NORMAL. Despite coming from a divorced family, her parents came together to make Ben feel special and welcome. Nicki’s Dad made our room full of Daddy’s girl die with his adorable speech about protecting his daughter. And so, Nicki sails into first place as our favourite and … NICKI’S DAD WINS MVBD (Most Valuable Bach-Daddy). Way to go you soft hearted, weeping, rock of a man.

 @Bakkesy Not a dry eye in the place with @jamesmay021 #Lyon #Thebachelor

“If the Dad is crying do they lose extra points?”  – Meg, on being ruthless in our #BachPool.

Cyborg time.

Mom-myyy?

Despite the fact that Courtney’s dad wore a terrible argyle vest, Courtney’s mom looked like a female Bruce Jenner and Courtney’s sister openly talked about the skinny dipping date in front of her parents … the whole fam was borderline normal. It was upsetting. Seriously. I could not WAIT to see what kind of spells they were going to cook up over a cauldron while Ben ate a gingerbread cookie.

But alas, Cray Courtney almost seemed normal for a few minutes … UNTIL. She left the relatively normal fam and decided to venture out on her own to stage a FAKE wedding. WHAT!? If this had happened with any other girl Benny Boy would have ran for the hills. In fact, I was sort of pleased as it was happening because I thought he just might. But, the lovesick little winemaker is clearly enamored with the SUPER intelligent and sweet (please!) model. Yuck. If a fake wedding can’t deter him from this backstabbing brunette, then it’s a done deal. They should have just ACTUALLY performed the wedding right then and there. Shucks.

IS THIS HAPPENING!?

We all let out a sigh of relief to see Ben back in L.A and back in the arms of Chris. B. Harrison. Wish he was a Bachelor option, always knows just what to say … almost like it was scripted.

Just a truly compassionate individual

But, despite deliberations about who was going home it was clear from the first twirl. Bye bye Kacie. Shockingly she showed an incredible amount of class and grace as she said her goodbyes to Ben and left the premises. Only to unleash the FURY when alone in the limo. Poor sweet Kacie B. was dropping f-bombs like it was her job and was not doubt plotting the arson that will take place on her family home. No hearts in the sky with her hands tonight, I’m afraid.

And so ends another thrilling episode of the season and another BachyParty for the books. A family day well spent with our Bach Fam. Nothing brings people closer like blood boiling drama …

#BachPool Standings

Shannon 411
Kate 398
Rhiannon 328
Jess 299
Catherine 293
Meghan 227

To make myself feel better about my dismal standings ... here's Jenna. I miss her. #Jennaiscray

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One thought on “The Bachelor Recap – Episode 8: Chariot or chug, baton or bust, talk or tears, wedding or RUN.

  1. Hello! I LOVE your Bach recaps.

    ANYWAY, I’m glad Kacie got dumped, even though her limo explosion ripped my heart out. Bach should have some hotline we can call to offer condolences, y’know? SHE CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN A MAN WITH RIDICULOUS HAIR WHO DROOLS OVER MODELS.

    Obv it was Kacey’s batshit parents that ruined EVERYTHING, even though it’s kinda obvious that Ben’s still pretty much a 13-yr-old when it comes to romance. Like, his idea of epic dating is some scout camp adventure shit compared to Brad’s epic-scale blingfest last year, so it’s no surprise that a model with a freakish mouth and horrific sociopathy would have him utterly entranced.

    If Nicki doesn’t make it in the end, I’m going to lobby ABC relentlessly to do a dual-girl Bachelorette with Nicki and Kacey. Those two just rule together.

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